If You Don Tell the Truth When You Know It Becomes Funny

I'm not upset that yous lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.

—

A man who lies to himself, and believes his ain lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else.

—  Fyodor Dostoyevsky, 1821-1881, Russian writer

A prevarication told often enough becomes the truth.

—  Vladimir Lenin, 1870-1924, Soviet revolutionary & leader

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

—  Mark Twain, 1835-1910, American author

There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.

—  Benjamin Disraeli, 1804-1881, British Prime Minister

When in dubiety, tell the truth.

—  Mark Twain, 1835-1910, American author

It is not easy to proceed silent when silence is a lie.

—  Victor Hugo, 1802-1885, French writer

When people can not change things, they change the words.

—  Jean Jaures, 1859-1914, French Socialist leader

The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie -- deliberate, contrived, and dishonest -- but the myth -- persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.

—  John Kennedy, 1917-1963, American President [1961-1963]

The victor will never exist asked if he told the truth.

—  Adolf Hitler, 1889-1945, German dictator

There are e'er 4 sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth and what really happened.

—  Jean Jacques Rousseau, 1712-1778, Swiss-French philosopher

If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them express joy; otherwise they'll kill you.

—  George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish gaelic writer, Nobel 1925

The liar'south punishment is, not in the to the lowest degree that he is non believed, only that he cannot believe anyone else.

—  George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish author, Nobel 1925

Generally, linguistic communication is a tool for concealing the truth.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

What is the truth, only a lie agreed upon.

—  Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1900, German philosopher

You will never learn what I am thinking. And those who avowal virtually loudly that they know my thought, to such people I lie even more.

—  Adolf Hitler, 1889-1945, High german dictator

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

—  Jerry Seinfeld, 1954-, American comedian

If you tell the truth yous don't have to remember anything.

—  Marking Twain, 1835-1910, American writer

Never apologize for showing feeling, my friend. Remember that when yous do and then, you apologize for truth.

—  Benjamin Disraeli, 1804-1881, British Prime Minister

Aught in this globe is harder than speaking the truth, cypher easier than flattery.

—  Fyodor Dostoyevsky, 1821-1881, Russian author

A lie is more comfy than dubiety, more useful than dear, more lasting than truth.

—  Gabriel Garcia Marquez, 1927-2014, Colombian writer

In a fourth dimension of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

—  George Orwell, 1903-1950, British writer

Nosotros are non retreating - we are advancing in another direction.

—  Douglas MacArthur, 1880-1964, American general

Repetition does non transform a lie into a truth.

—  Franklin Roosevelt, 1882-1945, American President [1936-1945]

My mode of joking is to tell the truth. Information technology's the funniest joke in the world.

—  George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish writer, Nobel 1925

As to the volume called the bible, it is blasphemy to call it the Word of God. Information technology is a book of lies and contradictions and a history of bad times and bad men.

—  Thomas Paine, 1737-1809, English-American writer

How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in impress.

—  Karl Kraus, 1874-1936, Austrian writer

A lie has no leg, but a scandal has wings.

—  Dr. Thomas Fuller, 1654-1734,  English doctor and adage collector

Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.

—  Fyodor Dostoyevsky, 1821-1881, Russian writer

Ask no questions, and you'll be told no lies.

—  Charles Dickens, 1812-1870, British writer

People never lie so much every bit afterward a hunt, during a war, or before an election.

—  Otto von Bismarck, 1815-1898, German chancellor

Semiotics is, in principle, the discipline studying everything which can exist used in lodge to lie.

—  Umberto Eco, 1932-2016, Italian writer

Half a truth is frequently a nifty lie.

—  Benjamin Franklin, 1706-1790, American politician & writer

Convictions are more dangerous foes of truth than lies.

—  Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1900, German philosopher

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

—  Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900, Irish writer

Never lie when the truth is more than assisting.

—  Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1906-1966, Smoothen author of maxims

It takes two to speak the truth — one to speak and another to hear.

—  Henry David Thoreau, 1817-1862, American writer

Advertising is legalized lying.

—  H.G. Wells, 1866-1946, British writer

A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.

—  Edgar J. Mohn,(unidentified)

Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector.

—  Graham Greene, 1904-1991, British author

Political truth is libel; religious truth, blasphemy.

—  William Hazlitt , 1778-1830, English essayist & critic

The truth may be out at that place, but the lies are inside your head.

—  Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015, British writer

Two one-half truths do non brand a truth.

—  Arthur Koestler, 1905-1983, Hungarian-British writer

Autobiography is but to exist trusted when information technology reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good business relationship of himself is probably lying, since any life when viewed from the inside is but a series of defeats.

—  George Orwell, 1903-1950, British author

Nothing is more dissentious to a new truth than an old error.

—  Wolfgang Goethe, 1749-1832, German poet & philosopher

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

—  Mark Twain, 1835-1910, American writer

When in dubiety tell the truth. It will derange your enemies and astound your friends.

—  Marking Twain, 1835-1910, American writer

Information technology is hard to believe that a human is telling the truth when you know that y'all would lie if yous were in his place.

—  H.L. Mencken, 1880-1956, American columnist & cultural critic

In that location are truths which one tin can only say after having won the correct to say them.

—  Jean Cocteau, 1889-1963, French artist

Although you may tell lies, people volition believe you, if only y'all speak with authorisation.

—  Anton Chekhov, 1860-1904, Russian writer

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.

—  Harry Truman, 1884-1972, American President [1945-1953]

Fifty-fifty if it is not true, it is well conceived

Se non è vero, è molto ben trovato.

—  Giordano Bruno, 1548-1600, Italian monk & philosopher

Art is magic delivered from the prevarication of existence truth.

—  Theodore Adorno, 1903-1969, German philosopher

It only takes a pol believing in what he says for others to stop believing in him.

—  Jean Baudrillard, 1929-2007, French intellectual

Truth is reverse to our nature, non so error, and this for a very simple reason; truth demands that we should recognize ourselves as limited, fault flatters us that, in ane manner or another, we are unlimited.

—  Wolfgang Goethe, 1749-1832, German poet & philosopher

The well-nigh unsafe of all falsehoods is a slightly distorted truth.

—  Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, 1742-1799, High german writer of maxims

A liar should have a practiced retention.

—  Quintilian, 35-96 AD, Roman rhetorician

When a thing is funny, search information technology carefully for a hidden truth.

—  George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish author, Nobel 1925

Truth tin never be told so as to be understood and non be believed.

—  William Blake, 1757-1827, English poet & painter

A prevarication that is half-truth is the darkest of all lies.

—  Alfred Tennyson, 1809-1892, English poet

Someone who knows as well much finds it hard not to lie.

—  Ludwig Wittgenstein, 1889-1951, Austrian philosopher

Homer has taught all other poets the art of telling lies skillfully.

—  Aristotle, 384-322 BC, Aboriginal Greek philosopher

The truest sayings are paradoxical.

—  Lao-Tzu, 6th cent. BC, Chinese philosopher

You mustn't ever believe what I say. Questions tempt you to tell lies, especially when in that location is no respond.

—  Pablo Picasso, 1881-1973, Spanish painter

Truth never damages a crusade that is merely.

—  Mahatma Gandhi, 1869-1948, Indian leader of independence

I am a prevarication who always speaks the truth.

—  Jean Cocteau, 1889-1963, French artist

That which has e'er been accepted by everyone, everywhere, is almost certain to exist false.

—  Paul Valery, 1871-1945, French poet

When a adult female begins to point out that she is honest, it's fourth dimension to be wary.

—  Alfred Capus, 1858-1922, French writer

Sincerity is the surest road to confidence.

—  David Lloyd George, 1863-1945, British Prime Minister [1916-1922]

Liberty is a very nifty reality, but information technology means above all things, freedom from lies.

—  D. H. Lawrence, 1885-1930, British writer

When a woman tells the truth, information technology is to disguise a lie.

—  Henri Jeanson, 1900-1970, French critic & columnist

The man who tells lies hides the truth, just the man who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it.

—  Robert Oxton Bolt, 1924-1955, British playwright

When I tell whatever Truth it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it but for the sake of defending those who practice.

—  William Blake, 1757-1827, English poet & painter

When I hear a critic speaking of an author'south sincerity, I know that either the critic or the writer is a fool.

—  Vladimir Nabokov, 1899-1977, Russian-American author

A generous confession disarms slander.

—  Dr. Thomas Fuller, 1654-1734,  English physician and adage collector

Art is a lie that makes u.s.a. realize the truth.

—  Pablo Picasso, 1881-1973, Spanish painter

A truth looks freshest in the fashions of the day.

—  Alfred Tennyson, 1809-1892, English poet

In that location is no other fashion of guarding oneself against flattery than past letting men understand that they will not offend y'all by speaking the truth; but when everyone tin tell you lot the truth, you lose their respect.

—  Niccolò Machiavelli, 1469-1527, Italian political philosopher

Fiction is the lie through which we tell the truth.

—  Albert Camus, 1913-1960, French writer, Nobel 1957

You lot should tell the truth from fourth dimension to time, in order to believe you when yous prevarication.

—  Jules Renard, 1864-1910, French writer

At that place are no whole truths; all truths are one-half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.

—  Alfred Due north Whitehead, 1861-1947, British philosopher & mathematician

The real truths are those that tin exist invented.

—  Karl Kraus, 1874-1936, Austrian writer

What is true, is true only for one time and only for ane place.

—  T. S. Eliot, 1888-1965, British poet, Nobel 1948

My ain experience is that in one case a story has been written, one has to cross out the beginning and the terminate. Information technology is there that we authors do most of our lying.

—  Anton Chekhov, 1860-1904, Russian author

Falsehood is never in words; it is in things.

—  Italo Calvino, 1923-1985, Italian author

A volume in which at that place were no lies would exist a marvel.

—  Napoleon, 1769-1821, French Emperor

Beware of telling an improbable truth.

—  Dr. Thomas Fuller, 1654-1734,  English medico and adage collector

Ever tell the Truth : where it is not loved, it is respected and feared.

—  Dr. Thomas Fuller, 1654-1734,  English language doctor and adage collector

Falsehood is invariably the child of fear in one form or another.

—  Aleister Crowley, 1875-1945, British magician & occultist,

The art of living is the fine art of knowing how to believe lies.

—  Cesare Pavese, 1908-1950, Italian writer

An irreligious lodge cannot suffer the truth of the human condition. It prefers a lie, no affair how idiotic information technology may exist.

—  Nicolas Gomez Davila, 1913-1994, Colombian writer

The fact that then many successful politicians are such shameless liars is not simply a reflection on them, information technology is as well a reflection on us. When the people want the impossible, merely liars can satisfy.

—  Thomas Sowell, 1930 -, American political thinker

There are merely two means of telling the consummate truth –anonymously and posthumously.

—  Thomas Sowell, 1930 -, American political thinker

Reason is made upward of truths that must exist told and truths that are not to be told.

—  Antoine Rivarol, 1753-1801, French writer of maxims

Sin has many tools, but a prevarication is the handle which fits them all.

—  Oliver W. Holmes Sr., 1809-1894, American writer

Lawyers spend their professional careers shoveling smoke.

—  Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr., 1841-1935,

There is no truth. There is only perception.

—  Gustave Flaubert, 1821-1880, French author

For the journalist, whatever is probable is true.

—  Honoré de Balzac, 1799-1850, French writer

Coming out of some mouths, the truth itself smells bad.

—  Jean Rostand, 1894-1977, French scientist & philosopher

Several excuses are e'er less convincing than one.

—  Aldοus Huxley, 1894-1963, English writer

Always the victor writes the history of the vanquished. He who beats distorts the faces of the beaten. The weaker depart from this earth and the lies remain.

—  Bertolt Brecht, 1898-1956, German writer

Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.

—  Rudyard Kipling, 1865-1936, English author, Nobel 1907

In human relationships, kindness and lies are worth a thousand truths.

—  Graham Greene, 1904-1991, British author

A petty reason possibly why novelists more and more than try to go along a distance from journalists is that novelists are trying to write the truth and journalists are trying to write fiction.

—  Coco Chanel, 1883-1971, French mode designer

In talking almost the past, nosotros prevarication with every breath we draw.

—  William Maxwell, 1908-2000, American writer

Lying is the strongest acknowledgment of the strength of truth.

—  William Hazlitt , 1778-1830, English essayist & critic

An honest man speaks the truth, though it may give offense; a vain man, in order that it may.

—  William Hazlitt , 1778-1830, English essayist & critic

The get-go virtue of all really great men is that they are sincere. They eradicate hypocrisy from their hearts.

—  Anatole France, 1844-1924, French writer, Nobel 1921

All the historical books which contain no lies are extremely wearisome.

—  Anatole France, 1844-1924, French writer, Nobel 1921

A German is someone who cannot tell a lie without believing it himself.

—  Theodore Adorno, 1903-1969, German philosopher

It takes one infinitesimal to tell a lie, and an hr to refute it.

—  Noam Chomsky, 1928-, American linguist, philosopher, social activist

It is the responsibility of intellectuals to speak the truth and expose lies.

—  Noam Chomsky, 1928-, American linguist, philosopher, social activist

I will never be able to write my memoirs, I lie too much.

—  Marcel Achard, 1899-1974, French playwright

The cruelest lies are ofttimes told in silence.

—  Robert Louis Stevenson, 1850-1894, Scottish writer

We lie improve in writing.

—  Henry de Montherlant, 1895-1972, French writer

Exercise not lie: it is a defense that is simply given to children.

—  Henry de Montherlant, 1895-1972, French writer

Exaggeration is the lie of the honest man.

—  Joseph De Maistre, 1753-1821, Savoyard diplomat & philosopher

History is a constant conspiracy against the truth.

—  Joseph De Maistre, 1753-1821, Savoyard diplomat & philosopher

Conscience is better served by a myth.

—  John Kenneth Galbraith, 1908-2006, American-Canadian economist

It is not a thing of what is true that counts, but a matter of what is perceived to be truthful.

—  Henry Kissinger, 1923-, American politician

If you believe that their existent intention is to impale you, information technology isn't unreasonable to believe that they would lie to you lot.

—  Henry Kissinger, 1923-, American politician

     (on doubts almost PLO sincerity most recognition of Israel)

Lying is the oxygen of social breathing.

—  Maurice Chapelan, 1906-1992, French author of maxims & journalist

To pretend to believe a prevarication is an exquisite lie.

—  Maurice Chapelan, 1906-1992, French author of maxims & journalist

If you have something to say and say naught, you are actually telling a lie.

—  Ashleigh Brilliant, 1933-, British cartoonist & epigrammatist

If I'm sincere today, what does information technology matter if I regret it tomorrow?

—  José Saramago, 1922-2010, Portuguese writer [Nobel 1998]

     (Blindness, 1995)

Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the spider web of duty.

—  Stephen King, 1947-, American author of horror & fantasy fiction

Fiction is the truth inside the lie.

—  Stephen Rex, 1947-, American author of horror & fantasy fiction

There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.

—  Søren Kierkegaard, 1813-1855, Danish philosopher

Where at that place are two people, there is untruth.

—  Søren Kierkegaard, 1813-1855, Danish philosopher

Truth is what'south left when you run out of excuses.

—  Marty Rubin, 1930-1994, Canadian gay activist, author & journalist

I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more than likely to tell the truth or, at to the lowest degree, lie less assuredly than they do in briefings and books.

—  P.J. O' Rourke, 1947-2022, American columnist & writer

The nigh costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

—  H.Fifty. Mencken, 1880-1956, American columnist & cultural critic

To say that a man lieth, is every bit much to say, equally that he is brave towards God, and a coward towards men.

—  Francis Salary, 1561-1626, English language philosopher

Novelists tell that slice of truth hidden at the bottom of every prevarication.

—  Italo Calvino, 1923-1985, Italian writer

To overvalue something is a course of lying.

—  Baltasar Gracian, 1601-1658, Castilian writer

A single lie destroys a whole reputation for integrity.

—  Baltasar Gracian, 1601-1658, Spanish author

Someone who knows too much finds information technology hard not to lie.

—  Ludwig Wittgenstein, 1889-1951, Austrian philosopher

When y'all want to assist people, y'all tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they desire to hear.

—  Thomas Sowell, 1930 -, American political thinker

If information technology'southward non right, don't exercise it; if it's not true, don't say it.

Ει μη καθήκει, μη πράξης· ει μη αληθές εστι, μη είπης.

—  Marcus Aurelius, 121-180 AD, Roman Emperor

The words of truth are simple by nature.

Απλούς ο μύθος της αληθείας έφυ.

—  Euripides, 480-406 BC, Aboriginal Greek tragedian ‐Phoenician women

A slip of the tongue speaks the truth.

Η γλώσσα λανθάνουσα τ' αληθή λέγει.

—  Menander, 4th cent. BC, Ancient Greek dramatist (New One-act)

Night is for the thieves, low-cal is for the truth.

Κλεπτών γαρ η νυξ, της δ' αληθείας το φως.

—  Euripides, 480-406 BC, Aboriginal Greek tragedian ‐Iphigeneia in Tauris

Have courage. When you tell the truth, you will never get wrong.

Θάρσει. Λέγων τ' αληθές ου σφαλεί ποτε.

—  Sophocles, 496-406 BC, Aboriginal tragic poet

It is always better to tell the truth at every opportunity

Αεί κράτιστον εστί τα αληθή λέγειν εν παντί καιρώ.

—  Menander, quaternary cent. BC, Aboriginal Greek dramatist (New Comedy)

A lie never lives to be old.

Αλλ' ουδέν έρπει ψεύδος εις γήρας χρόνου.

—  Sophocles, 496-406 BC, Aboriginal tragic poet

Simulated words exercise not deport fruit.

Ουκ εξάγουσιν καρπόν οι ψευδείς λόγοι.

—  Sophocles, 496-406 BC, Ancient tragic poet

I am jump to tell what I am told, but non in every case to believe it.

Εγώ δε οφείλω λέγειν τα λεγόμενα, πείθεσθαί γε μεν ου παντάπασι οφείλω.

—  Herodotus, 480-420 BC, Ancient Greek historian, the " father of History"

In that location's no need to lie. It's similar poker. The truth is best. The others still retrieve yous're backbiting, so you lot win.

—  from the film Breathless (1960)

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